You know when you walk into a Starbucks or any pseudo corporate coffee place feeding on hipster culture and you see 50 douche bags typing away at their laptops?
Yea I'm totally that asshole right now...
Except I'm outside, why I’m still outside I have no fucking idea. I'm pretty sure my original intention was to come outside with my coffee and have a cigarette while I type this, but just as I was heading outside I noticed the sign that shattered all those hopes.
" Starbucks is a smoke free establishment, smoking is prohibited indoors and within 10 feet of the outdoor patio."
FUCK!!!
Seriously my hands are getting numb from the cold and quite frankly this uncomfortable excuse for a chair is making my ass fall asleep. I'm taking this party inside.
*30 seconds later*
The warmer climate has allowed to me to focus on what appears to be a date that’s going on right next to me. They seem fairly young, late teens I’m guessing. The guy looks like he belongs in one of those bands where in the video the guys all squat like they're going to take a shit and bang their heads while the hardcore breakdown kicks in. He's got his girl jeans snug to perfection and the homo erotic purple American Apparel v neck to match. She's got the cute little scene girl look goin. She's rocking a nice pea coat and scarf with the typical skinny jeans and Toms (god I hate those things like Charlie Sheen hates sobriety). Already I can tell that she’s way to good for this asshole.
He seems to be doing alright though. He's pulling some classy moves. Offering her his coat when she was cold, touching her hands, and looking into her eyes instead of her tits when she talks. She’s giving him the subtle smile and running her hands along his cheek and lightly touching his horrid sleeve of trend core tattoos. Judging by her smiles he's probably quoted some All Time Low lyric, said she’s prettier than Hailey Williams, or pulled some hail Mary of a play like telling her he loves her to get her into bed. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I gotta give it to him though; kids got this in the bag. If he keeps it up, he'll be feeling her up to the latest (Insert generic verb the noun band name) in the back seat of his Prius in no time. If he does manage to slide into home, I hope he has enough sense to wrap it. The world really need any more seasons of Teen Mom?
The testosterone/steroid driven UFC fighters in training have started making their way towards Buffalo Wild Wings for a night of beer pounding and grunting, and I still need nicotine.
That’s my cue...
<3 Erik
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