Friday, March 18, 2011


1. Girls who wear the moccasins are way cuter than the ones who wear Toms.

2. Creepy older guy managed to scare away 4 hot blonds in a matter of seconds. Proably offered to show them his pot of gold.

3. Why does Norms set up the patio door as the Fire exit?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

If I wore my heart on my sleeve, i'd use it to wrap my cigarettes.

I've done a lot of shit talking in my day, and when I say a lot that’s not really a word that does the true amount justice. I've pretty much talked shit on every band, movie, trend, etc that’s come my way in the past 10 years. I've judged people just by looking at them before even knowing a thing about them. Fuck who am I kidding, I've even talked shit to my very own friends and by some odd good graces they've put up with it and stood by my side through thick and thin. Apologies have never really been my style, but to those of you who put up with me, I'm honored to have you as my friends and I love you from the bottom of my heart, and in honor of you I decided to judge someone I have every right to judge.


I'd like to think I'm a somewhat happy guy, or at least was. Then life decides to finally do its job and turn your whole world upside down causing you to throw all your perceptions of yourself out the window. Life decided to do its job on me on several occasions and every time I've always managed to pull through, learn a little bit about myself and move on. Well fuck have times changed.

This past year has been the most difficult year I've ever had to deal with, the kind of shit that brings the strongest of men down. Death, heartbreak, and disappointment got wrapped up in a pretty package with a bow and got delivered to my doorstep. I remember being mesmerized by the shiny glitter of a wrapper resembling hope shortly followed by the blunt stabbing force to the heart.

That's when I did everything I could to stop the bleeding...

The reality is there's a point where the wound is so severe that all the "medication," you've prescribed yourself no longer numbs the pain that you're feeling.

I've made some pretty poor decisions in my life, but the truth of the matter is the way I’ve chosen to deal with them is even poorer. Nights of no sleep, mornings of cold sweat, and days of keeping yourself busy to take your mind off the things your mind forces you into believing what it thinks it needs. Now that I've felt it, I can safely say there's no situation worthy of dependency and the shit storm that comes with it.

Am I perfect? Fuck no, the odds of me falling back into the same routine is very much likely to happen. If I had to describe how I'm feeling right now I’d compare it to sticking your head out of the water gasping for air after almost drowning. Safe waters are out there, I just haven't started swimming yet.

There's a long fucking road ahead of me of working on myself and gaining my sanity back. Days I’ll be up and days i'll be down. Will I ever be the same? Probably not, but I'm going to damn well try and get as close as possible.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist...

You know when you walk into a Starbucks or any pseudo corporate coffee place feeding on hipster culture and you see 50 douche bags typing away at their laptops?

Yea I'm totally that asshole right now...

Except I'm outside, why I’m still outside I have no fucking idea. I'm pretty sure my original intention was to come outside with my coffee and have a cigarette while I type this, but just as I was heading outside I noticed the sign that shattered all those hopes.

" Starbucks is a smoke free establishment, smoking is prohibited indoors and within 10 feet of the outdoor patio."


Seriously my hands are getting numb from the cold and quite frankly this uncomfortable excuse for a chair is making my ass fall asleep. I'm taking this party inside.

*30 seconds later*

The warmer climate has allowed to me to focus on what appears to be a date that’s going on right next to me. They seem fairly young, late teens I’m guessing. The guy looks like he belongs in one of those bands where in the video the guys all squat like they're going to take a shit and bang their heads while the hardcore breakdown kicks in. He's got his girl jeans snug to perfection and the homo erotic purple American Apparel v neck to match. She's got the cute little scene girl look goin. She's rocking a nice pea coat and scarf with the typical skinny jeans and Toms (god I hate those things like Charlie Sheen hates sobriety). Already I can tell that she’s way to good for this asshole.

He seems to be doing alright though. He's pulling some classy moves. Offering her his coat when she was cold, touching her hands, and looking into her eyes instead of her tits when she talks. She’s giving him the subtle smile and running her hands along his cheek and lightly touching his horrid sleeve of trend core tattoos. Judging by her smiles he's probably quoted some All Time Low lyric, said she’s prettier than Hailey Williams, or pulled some hail Mary of a play like telling her he loves her to get her into bed. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I gotta give it to him though; kids got this in the bag. If he keeps it up, he'll be feeling her up to the latest (Insert generic verb the noun band name) in the back seat of his Prius in no time. If he does manage to slide into home, I hope he has enough sense to wrap it. The world really need any more seasons of Teen Mom?

The testosterone/steroid driven UFC fighters in training have started making their way towards Buffalo Wild Wings for a night of beer pounding and grunting, and I still need nicotine.

That’s my cue...

<3 Erik

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Saturday, March 5, 2011

What a tasty sandwhich...

I'm currently typing this on my blackberry from the booth of a Norms Restaurant. If you've never had Norms I highly suggest you hunt one down in your area, it puts Dennys to shame.

The scenery at this time isn't particularly exciting. Typical graveyard shift truck drivers on their lunch break downing their coffee cup after cup while their hands tremble uncontrollably cuz they're due for their nicotine fix. In the corner there's a couple of elderly Asian ladies discussing god knows what, Hair, makeup, American Idol, Yoga class maybe? I'm more curious as to what they tell their husbands. "Honey I'll see you later I'm off to my midnight coffee meeting with the girls at Norms!" I know I'd be raising some pretty sold questions.

Not all is lost. The crowd gets exceptionally prettier at 1:30am or so. The bars let out and the short skirted pretty club girls swarm in and start stuffing their face with pancakes to sop up all the cigarettes and vodka red bulls they down an hour prior. While their Jersey Shore extra of a date in his retarded tribal printed dress shirt and jeans with sparkly shit bedazzled all over his ass is calculating in his head exactly how much he's spent so far trying to get his date home and bent over on his couch. Sorry man judging by how much she’s stuffing down you’ll be lucky if she lets you feel up her top and tweak her nipple.

The first 10 minutes I was here my waitress wouldn't leave me alone. She passed by every 30 seconds and quite frankly was getting on my nerves, but somehow by the end of my meal, I still only got one refill. How the fuck does that work out? She got 3 bucks, be grateful.

At least my sandwich tasted good. What an eventful Saturday night.

I really need to get out of this town.

<3 Erik

Monday, July 26, 2010


The wildest ideas come into your head when you least expect it and well after you've been drinking a bit. I could relay the details of the conversation that inspired this, but I'll skip that, you'll thank me later trust me.

On top of my rants and musings will be nerd eye candy. Girls in glasses what more could be asked for. Submissions are open


P.S. This blog is intended to be tasteful and classy, any submissions that don't fit that will be ignored and comments will be monitored on a regular basis.